Fix Relationship Problems Even If You’re The Only One Trying
Friday, March 27th, 2009You can fix relationship problems even if you seem to be the only trying to change your relationship. You can make your relationship better even if your mate doesnt seem interested in changing anything at all. There are many ways to accomplish this, but one is the 4 Step Quick Change Method.
Step One: Get Clear on What You Want To Have Change. What is it that would make the relationship better? Is it more sex? More communication? More fun time? Less fighting and arguing? More quality time spent together with the kids as a family? Less jealousy?
What’s important here is to be as specific and clear as you can be about the change you want to see. That way, you’ll be more likely to get it.
The Second Step: Make an intimate request of your mate, being as concrete as you can about the change you want. Don’t say “We need to communicate better.” That is too vague and doesn’t help your mate see what you specifically want.
Be much more specific by saying something like “Can we spend some quality time talking about our day after we get home from work?” Make it very easy for your partner to see what you want them to do.
Step Three: Allow your mate to answer in one of three ways. Yes, No, or maybe, lets negotiate. Any of the three responses is okay. Just dont accept being ignored or brushed off. Youve made a specific request, expect a specific answer.
Often times they will just say yes. If it is a reasonable request, your partner will often want to make you happy by saying yes. If they negotiate How about we talk about our day during dinner rather than right when we get home, thats fine, you want it to work for them. If they say No, dont freak.
Step Four is not to get stopped by a no. You don’t need to have a big battle with them if they decline your request. It’s not a request if they can’t say no, is it? Sometimes a no will just be a delayed yes, where they start to do more of what you asked them.
The important thing with a no is to honor it. But you can always ask again later in the week, and see what they say next time. When it is important to you, don’t give up after just one no.
There is a lot more to fixing relationship problems, but this tool can get you started. You will find with a little skill you can change your relationship when you are the only one who is trying.